How My Anger and Emptiness Led to Trusting in God

Before this semester, I didn't know the weight of my sin.  Granted, I was aware on the surface that I am not worthy, and Jesus covers it up with the cross when I was baptized, but I had no clue the depth of that sacrifice.  What I mean is, I'd never felt what it feels like for sin to creep in and entangle me without me even being slightly aware, and that's exactly what happened this semester.
It started with feeling like God suddenly vanished.  I found myself not knowing what He wanted, then not thinking He cared to tell me when I didn't hear it, then not wanting to pursue Him in the Word and in prayer because I felt hurt that He didn't just give it to me.  When that guidance didn't come, I began to feel empty, and I felt dead inside for a long time.  Eventually this started to weigh on me.  I learned the true meaning of truly thirsting for God and the sting of not being fulfilled in Him.
When the weight grew to be too much to handle, I burst.  I began to pray, still not feeling like the answer to my emptiness was coming.  Eventually, I went to Christian friends in my life, in desperation, searching for the answers I felt like I wasn't getting from God, and they told me exactly what I didn't want to hear.  I couldn't just give up on God because I wasn't getting what I wanted.  I couldn't rely on feeling Him all the time because its not about feelings, and I couldn't be upset that the only things happening in my life were things I didn't want but things God wanted for me.
I have to remember the God that pulled me kicking and screaming to a school I didn't want to go to only to find true happiness, remember the God who humbled me to the point of letting go of my pride in the beautiful act of baptism and call on Him, remember the God who called me to love Him.  And after remembering all that, I have to start to trust Him and let go of my pride every day.  Even if I don't feel Him, I have to go to the Word everyday and pray and run after Him.  I can't expect fulfillment in Him to fall out of the sky because every day when I wake up, I have to acknowledge my sin, die to my selfishness, and actively pursue Him.
I'm so glad I finally realized this.  I was so tired of feeling dead, and the love of God that I've started to pursue again feels so good.  I can never take it for granted again.  So if you're in the same boat, I know what it's like to want to do it yourself.  Trust me, just let go.  Let go, and trust God.  Don't be angry at Him for wanting your full commitment.  He never said it was easy.