If you want your life to be like a movie, run as fast as you can (and don't eat the temporary cookie).

You know that feeling after a really good movie, where everything just worked out so nicely and the characters figured everything out?  The one where you wish so badly that your life could feel that way, that you could be that fulfilled?  Well I just watched a movie like that, and I learned a few things, not from the movie itself, but rather from that feeling afterward.
During this particular movie, the character was given a chance to experience what his life would've been like if he had made a completely different decision 13 years in his past.  He ended up deeply regretting his decision and made up for it when he returned to his normal life.  Granted, that is a very succinct description of a movie that had much more to it, but that's the essential idea.  Afterward, I began to think about how lucky I am to be at this point in my life.  If I was in a movie, I could be the young character who risks everything to go for something crazy, but on the other side of things, I could also be the young character who doesn't.
Then, I began to wonder.  Can life be like a movie?  Now, I know what you're thinking.  No, of course not; life happens and is never as perfect as a movie.  But here's the thing.  People always say movies aren't real, and for the most part, they aren't.  But I'm not asking if the perfection of movies is real.  I'm wondering if the parts where people truly embrace life are real.
I think the answer is yes.  Now, try to follow just for a second.  I'm talking about those classic scenes where two people who fall in love break up and one is, of course, flying away to some faraway place for something not nearly as important, and the other races to the airport and sweeps them off their feet.  I'm talking about the characters who work extremely hard for something and screw it up completely, only to find themselves finding exactly what they needed in the end.  I think those things are possible in everyday life, but only when we let God take over.
I know that, being young, I want all these things for my life.  But I also know the only times I've ever felt truly like I'm in a movie and life is better than I ever dreamed is when I gave something to God.  I know that sometimes I'm going to be scared of things that I know God wants me to do, but if I just lean on Him and faithfully go with it it will all work out and God's plan will lead me to do things I could never do on my own.
Selfishly, I want those moments in life so bad that sometimes I forget that I'm completely incapable of creating them.  And that's when I realize the most important thing I've learned this year.  You have to run towards God, with everything you have, giving up everything you personally want and think you need, if you want to experience those moments when His glory truly manifests itself.  Just like when you're actually running, you get tired and forget why you are even running (and possibly want to sit down and eat a cookie a whole lot more).  But when you start to desire to glorify God and desire only that, that cookie is just temporary and what God uses you for is a lot more permanent and infinitely more beautiful.
Apologies for my terrible cookie metaphor aside, I just have to remember this everyday.  I want to start running towards God now, and I'm not going to stop. 

How My Anger and Emptiness Led to Trusting in God

Before this semester, I didn't know the weight of my sin.  Granted, I was aware on the surface that I am not worthy, and Jesus covers it up with the cross when I was baptized, but I had no clue the depth of that sacrifice.  What I mean is, I'd never felt what it feels like for sin to creep in and entangle me without me even being slightly aware, and that's exactly what happened this semester.
It started with feeling like God suddenly vanished.  I found myself not knowing what He wanted, then not thinking He cared to tell me when I didn't hear it, then not wanting to pursue Him in the Word and in prayer because I felt hurt that He didn't just give it to me.  When that guidance didn't come, I began to feel empty, and I felt dead inside for a long time.  Eventually this started to weigh on me.  I learned the true meaning of truly thirsting for God and the sting of not being fulfilled in Him.
When the weight grew to be too much to handle, I burst.  I began to pray, still not feeling like the answer to my emptiness was coming.  Eventually, I went to Christian friends in my life, in desperation, searching for the answers I felt like I wasn't getting from God, and they told me exactly what I didn't want to hear.  I couldn't just give up on God because I wasn't getting what I wanted.  I couldn't rely on feeling Him all the time because its not about feelings, and I couldn't be upset that the only things happening in my life were things I didn't want but things God wanted for me.
I have to remember the God that pulled me kicking and screaming to a school I didn't want to go to only to find true happiness, remember the God who humbled me to the point of letting go of my pride in the beautiful act of baptism and call on Him, remember the God who called me to love Him.  And after remembering all that, I have to start to trust Him and let go of my pride every day.  Even if I don't feel Him, I have to go to the Word everyday and pray and run after Him.  I can't expect fulfillment in Him to fall out of the sky because every day when I wake up, I have to acknowledge my sin, die to my selfishness, and actively pursue Him.
I'm so glad I finally realized this.  I was so tired of feeling dead, and the love of God that I've started to pursue again feels so good.  I can never take it for granted again.  So if you're in the same boat, I know what it's like to want to do it yourself.  Trust me, just let go.  Let go, and trust God.  Don't be angry at Him for wanting your full commitment.  He never said it was easy.