I think I'll start off with how my parents always describe my childhood. They say I used to be a beautiful and fun-loving little girl, completely unafraid to run as I wished and talk to who I wanted to, my hair flying behind me wherever I went. That is, until I started looking at myself and then the other girls around me. I've never been a small person, and I never will be. But there was a point in my life when I began to believe it was a bad thing, that my curves and larger body made me ugly and not as worthy of love as other smaller and more "beautiful" girls. I saw every flaw. One day, my eyebrows would be too bushy; the next day I couldn't wear a dress that another girl made look flawless. I couldn't run anymore because I was conscious and aware of what I though everyone saw when I ran. It leaked into every aspect of my life and I began to look at food as an emotional outlet and mirrors as the enemy. Trying on clothes was miserable, tugging and pulling at fabric, if only I could get one size smaller to somehow please my own ridiculous and non-existent standards. I remembered every little comment about my size, some not even meant to hurt me. Eating became an activity where I forgot myself and just enjoyed the taste, regretting it later. That regret even pushed me as far away as I've ever been, to eating and trying to throw up. Now, I never quite made it to that, but I came as close as thinking about it and trying to plan it out so no one would ever know. It was there, in my complete aloneness and hatred of myself that I found God's love for me.
One day, I just started trying not to hate myself. I prayed constantly to see a beautiful, more realistic view in the mirror, and I based my love on the fact that God created me, not on some worldly standards that I had clung to for so long. It definitely didn't happen fast, but I began to see little things I liked about myself. And one day, I looked and liked what I saw. I am beautiful. All of the credit for that goes to God. I have finally accepted myself just for who God created me to be. And that doesn't mean I don't want to be healthy. But now, working out and eating better won't be to strive for a "perfect" body, but to ADORN this perfect and holy temple that is my body, that is to create a body that is fully equipped and able to serve my Heavenly Father. And I couldn't be happier. God goes with me when I exercise and into situations where I used to feel uncomfortable. My exercise and health are my worship of Him, to show Him how thankful I am for His creation.
Two days ago, I might not have shared this story. But now, I just feel led to share it. I am NOT ashamed of my struggle and I won't let it define me because God has forgiven me and loves me just as I am because of His Son. And He loves you too. Don't ever forget that.
1 Corinthians 6:15- "Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ?"
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20- "Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."
Luke 12:23- "For life is more than food and your body more than clothing."
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