Monday, March 18, 2013

Not Sure What to Title This...


So this is probably extremely random, but I wrote something the other day, and I felt it worth posting.  For a little background, I recently went home for Spring Break, and I've been figuring a lot of stuff out recently, so the combination of being home after moving out just last year and seeing how God is impacting my life lead to this.  Hope you enjoy!

-I may be a little too imaginative, but whenever the sun lingers just right after night has fallen, or when I feel the concrete and grass beneath me, or when I hear friends, and family, and laughter, even just the faintest drift of laundry and dinner calls me so far back to youth and home and love I just want to fall into it forever.  When I’m holding strong, weak at my knees on the inside, trying to remain in this new life I’m supposed to take on as a “grown-up”, all it takes is that summer breeze and those voices to pull the clips out of my hair and transform my suit into a playful dress and my soul into a child again.  When my life was this beautiful child, I didn’t even know it was, but now, as I’ve grown to realize my God, looking back is like happy sadness.  Sadness because I realize what I was without all that time and how I thought I was happy, but happiness because of how my life isn’t my own to live anymore.  This life that began as a hopeless child has become more than I could ever imagined because I died to myself, that despairing, hopeless, and sad self, and let the Spirit fill me up to the brim so that I could be more than I could be myself.  To glorify Him through it all became my purpose.  To love Him and share that love became my prize.  So, feeling myself miss dancing on the concrete and feeling my old home, I can remember and smile all the way to where I’m going.  Weak at my knees on the inside means I’m not accepting His strong protection.  With Him, I am new.  With Him, I am clean and strong.  With Him, I no longer want to fall back home forever, because His kingdom is my new home.

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