The Tale of My Easter Epiphany

      Readers, friends, family, those who find my posts mildly entertaining, today I would like to share that I have learned an important lesson.  To start, its relevant to mention that sometimes, when we learn life lessons, we aren't so happy about it.  I'm sure most of you can relate to being a teenager and kicking and screaming, literally or figuratively, as your parents made you do something you didn't want to do.  And there's this intriguing thing that happens in college:  you think that you are FREE from authority and it's extremely difficult to continue to look at God as an authority figure that knows whats best.  It sounds bad, but I don't always want to listen to Him, even though I know His plan for my life is much larger than myself and greatly more beautiful than anything I could imagine.  Anyway, now back to the lesson that God pretty much sat me down and forced me to learn.  Now, around this time twice a year, a dreadful event occurs called registration.  It doesn't sound like a big deal at first, but picking classes can become overwhelming.  Now, this semester, I was dead set on creating the PARADISE of scheduling, the schedule that would permit me to obtain optimal college student nap time, study time, and fun time.  With this intention in mind, I did just that.  My schedule contained just the classes I wanted, at the times I wanted, with the friends I wanted in my classes.  However, merely 4 days before I was to enact this beautiful schedule, tragedy struck.  I went to an advising appointment only to find out that my schedule can not be what I had originally planned.  Now, this would normally be fine, however, I now have to take a more difficult class at 8:00 AM, which to me might as well be the middle of the night.  I returned to my dorm, and let's be honest, I was throwing a hissy fit like a toddler would.  I know, very mature of me at the age of 18.  However, now that I've had time to calm my anger with Jesus music and this lovely blog post, I've realized something that God had probably intended for me to realize all along.
      I'm not in charge.  Not thinking about God at all and not praying  during registration has led me to this lovely place where God had no choice but to set me down and make me suck it up and take an early and more difficult class.  Now, I'm not sure what the reason for this is, but I'm sure God will create something beautiful out of it and prove my sassy, temper-tantrum throwing self entirely wrong.  So I guess the moral of this story is that next time God wants to pick you up off your worn-down  and messy path that is self-created, don't lay on the ground and whine like I did.  Allow your loving Father to pick you up and humble you so that you don't miss out on the purpose He has for you.  I sure wish I had done that this time, and will definitely take this into account in the future.  Thanks for reading, and HAPPY EASTER!!!

An additional note:  As I wished you, dear friends, a happy Easter, I noticed the interesting fact that I have come upon this lesson Easter weekend.  Isn't it interesting that I would forget to let God be my sole purpose on the very weekend that He sent Jesus to become my reason for living and wipe my slate clean?  I'm just so thankful that, when I stumbled away once again, God picked me up and set me back on the right path, especially on a weekend as wonderful as this one.  Once again, have a very happy Easter.

     

Imagining God

I just realized something tonight about worship that can also be applied to living a life for Christ in general.  Up until recently, I've thought of God in relation to me.  If I sang a worship song about never being fearful, for example, I would apply it to specific situations in my life where I shouldn't be fearful anymore.  I would think about how, with God, I shouldn't fear stress, the future, or any other thing in the smattering of things I constantly fear/worry about.  However, I've been reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, and I came upon a certain concept that has led me to turn over a new leaf when it comes to worship and how I view the God I live for. 
I think this thought began to grow when Chan directly stated that the most important question is what we perceive God to be like.  Honesty hour, nothing at all came to my mind when he presented this question.  It was basically crickets in there.  After reading on, I came upon an interesting statement: "Don't we live instead as though God is created for us, to do our bidding, to bless us, and to take care of our loved ones?"  Upon reading this, an image of God began to grow and develop in my mind.  Maybe I should stop here and provide some background. 
I won't go into detail, but there are many things right now that I am selfish enough to think I should control instead of God.  However, tonight at a worship service I attended, I began to hand those things over.  Actually, a better way to describe this would be to say I began to realize that they weren't even mine to begin with.  Giving my life over to God means that my life is His.  It is foolish of me to think that these things I worry about are even mine to dwell on and try to control.  I felt such a relief knowing that God had and has always had me in His hands and will take me where I need to be, if only I listen.
Now, back to the image of God that grew in my mind.  As I was letting go of all my worries, and basically just being still in God's presence, I realized that I was applying everything I sang to these things I was letting go of in my life.  I was still putting myself before God in my worship by thinking that praising Him is about making sure I was ok with what He is doing in my life.  However, isn't the point of worship to stand in awe of God, to know that He is all-powerful, and that, while there are billions of us, there is only one God that had created it all and holds each of us?  Isn't the point to throw away ourselves for a moment and give everything we have to showing Him he is our everything? 
What I'm trying to say is that when it comes to living as a Christian, don't live like that test today or what you are stressed about is more important than the amazing God you worship.  This is hard for me to do too, but if we start to see God for who He really is, I know we will find true happiness in Him.

Not Sure What to Title This...

So this is probably extremely random, but I wrote something the other day, and I felt it worth posting.  For a little background, I recently went home for Spring Break, and I've been figuring a lot of stuff out recently, so the combination of being home after moving out just last year and seeing how God is impacting my life lead to this.  Hope you enjoy!

-I may be a little too imaginative, but whenever the sun lingers just right after night has fallen, or when I feel the concrete and grass beneath me, or when I hear friends, and family, and laughter, even just the faintest drift of laundry and dinner calls me so far back to youth and home and love I just want to fall into it forever.  When I’m holding strong, weak at my knees on the inside, trying to remain in this new life I’m supposed to take on as a “grown-up”, all it takes is that summer breeze and those voices to pull the clips out of my hair and transform my suit into a playful dress and my soul into a child again.  When my life was this beautiful child, I didn’t even know it was, but now, as I’ve grown to realize my God, looking back is like happy sadness.  Sadness because I realize what I was without all that time and how I thought I was happy, but happiness because of how my life isn’t my own to live anymore.  This life that began as a hopeless child has become more than I could ever imagined because I died to myself, that despairing, hopeless, and sad self, and let the Spirit fill me up to the brim so that I could be more than I could be myself.  To glorify Him through it all became my purpose.  To love Him and share that love became my prize.  So, feeling myself miss dancing on the concrete and feeling my old home, I can remember and smile all the way to where I’m going.  Weak at my knees on the inside means I’m not accepting His strong protection.  With Him, I am new.  With Him, I am clean and strong.  With Him, I no longer want to fall back home forever, because His kingdom is my new home.

Be Happy

I wrote a poem today to describe how blissfully and beautifully happy I am:

Be happy.

Be happy because in spite of all this worldly pain, Christ humbled Himself to a cross and freed us all.

Be happy because, even when we feel alone, God formed beautiful and talented friends and family to smile with and cherish.

Be happy because, looking past all the trash and dirt, there are several places where water falls for no other purpose than to portray God's perfect glory. 

Be happy because we can be young forever in Christ.

Be happy because happiness and love are simply the best feelings in the entire world.

Be happy not just for the sake of being happy but because there is a reason to be happy.

Be happy because God created us all in His beautiful divine image and every little tiny detail was carefully thought out by Him to work together.

Be happy because we have the opportunity to lay down everything for a beautiful God.

Be happy.