To start off, I write and speak quite often like I know everything. If you ask me for advice, watch out. I will proceed to give you what I believe is the best advice anyone could give you and remain on my high horse for hours. Recently, however, I've needed help myself. I started praying about truly and completely falling in love with God.
"How'd this start?" you might wonder. Well, my roommate lended me a book called, "Crazy Love." Well, actually, she practically insisted I read it. I think it was one of those moments where something is just so awesome that you have to share it with others. Now, naturally I started to read the book, and to be honest, I was incredibly bored. Christian books have never entertained me, and to be completely honest, I really don't enjoy any book that doesn't yank at my emotional heartstrings and draw me into a completely ridiculous fictional story. That's just how I am: dramatic. So anyway, even though I wasn't very entertained by the book, and I still haven't finished it because I'm just really stubborn, I did gather something from it.
I realized that my roommate had lended me the book around the exact time I began praying to fall in love with God. Now, at the time I didn't even know what exactly I was praying for. I just knew that people talk about being in love with God and, instead of feeling obligated to glorify Him, they just can't help it; it practically spills over. I wanted to be like that. So I prayed. (Always a good solution.) Moreover, even though I didn't finish the book, I started to focus on one of the main topics that the author, Francis Chan, is trying to get across. (By the way, this was mentioned in another one of my posts, "Imagining God.") We should NEVER look at God in relation to us. In fact, we should come to know how truly powerful He is by looking at us in relation to Him. There are TRILLIONS of us, and one of Him. And He knows each and every one of us, everything about us, and everything about the trillions of the past and future. God doesn't just sit there and ask us for our love and our total surrender and worship with our lives. He deserves it and knows He does. He created this world to glorify Himself. Now, at first, I found this extremely selfish and also didn't understand why an omnipotent God would just randomly decide to create a world from nothing and people. However, that is the awe in it all. He created us and loves us, and He deserves our praise because of that. He doesn't have to ask for it.
Anyway, I might seem to be getting off track, but stay with me; I'm going somewhere. So now I've established that God is far more important and powerful than us and deserves our glorification of Him. Now comes my huge epiphany, and there are a few events that led to it, which I'll list below.
1. reading "Crazy Love," which I already described
2. The other day I went to the fitness center at my college. Now, this may seem like
an average, everyday thing for most people, at least those who take care of themselves,
which I usually don't enjoy as much as ice cream. However, working out and eating
healthy has always been the hardest thing I've ever faced. I've never kept up with it,
and a negative view of my body image always has me down. However, that day I just
happened to be there, and I was walking to relax after a quite painful workout. I started
to listen to a beautiful worship song called, "Waiting Here for You," and I began to
immediately feel what it means to truly and passionately love God. Right there, while I
was alone in quite possibly one of the worst things I have been facing my entire life,
God was there the whole time. In fact, I had to pray to even build up the courage to go
into the gym and work out with people around me who definitely look a whole lot better.
Anyway, I knew He was there with me, and is always there with me, and made me
the way I am for a holy and perfect reason. Not to say I don't still struggle sometimes;
we all do.
3. My roommate, who I know I mention quite often, texted me talking about exactly the
same thing I've been thinking about: thinking about God in relation to myself. I know
this probably seems a little heavy for a text message, but trust me, its perfectly normal
for us.
4. Recent financial struggles I've been having and trials I've seen my community go
through led me to pray for God to instill peace and love into everyone who needs it,
and be glorified in whatever happens. As I read my Bible right after, I came upon
Psalm 13. Well, not came upon, I've been reading Psalms all summer, but it never fails
to apply directly and show how sovereign and powerful God is. Anyway, Psalm 13
is basically a crying-out to God, begging Him to "restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I
will die," and "turn and answer me." The end, however, says, "But I trust in your
UNFAILING love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me."
So if you mix all of these events together in one big beautiful God epiphany, you get exactly what God showed me. Overall, I am now in love with my heavenly Father because He led me to this over time, is with me in my worst fears when no one else is, and because He is unfailing. It doesn't matter that I am worried about a bill this month or that I am stressed about a test. He is unfailing, and He didn't have to create us because He existed forever. But He did and He knows everything about us. Because of His unfailing love. He sent His Son down to save us because of His unfailing love. Now, notice I don't say successful love, but unfailing. Unfailing, meaning that there is absolutely no way it can go wrong, ever. I hope all of this has made sense, because I want you to have it too. Now that I am totally and completely in love with God, nothing else matters but glorifying Him. That is my purpose and my life. I have also learned that, if you pray for something truly believing God will answer, He will in the biggest and most unthinkable way. Because I never would have expected God to take something I prayed about everyday and combine what seemed like random pieces of my life to form a love for Him so immense I couldn't have even known I wanted it. So if you feel led to something, pray about it earnestly and with full confidence in God's power to fulfill it in the best way possible. Even though I couldn't have ever imagined it, I'm so glad I made this beautiful realization.
Raised my hands up to the Father
Gave it all to him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, Eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
It didn't matter where I'd been"
-Rascal Flatts, "Changed"
